STOP! TELLING! PEOPLE! THAT! NO! ONE! WILL! LOVE! THEM! UNTIL! THEY! LOVE! THEMSELVES! STOP! PLANTING! THE! IDEA! IN! PEOPLES! BRAINS! THAT! THEY! ARE! UNWORTHY! OF! LOVE! BECAUSE! OF! THEIR! OWN! STRUGGLE!
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How do I be okay now? .
I don’t have a daddy anymore.. He told me last night he wasn’t my daddy and he’d never be and Ddlg is sick..And I can’t call him daddy unless we’re having sex.. I wish he had told me he thought I was fucked up and sick before a whole year of me calling him daddy… He uses to say it was okay, and I could call him that. I started crying and having an anxiety attack and he called me a cry baby and told me I act like a child..Which made it all so much worse and honestly I’m dealing with postpartum depression. I don’t know how to deal with not being able to call him daddy.. All I want is to be held by him and loved and protected and tell me everything’s okay..daddy’s here…but he’s not and I don’t know how to deal with it let alone anything else. I hate myself and how I let myself believe he actually was okay with me calling him daddy. I thought he was okay with it. He told me he liked it. Everything I do is wrong. I can’t do anything right. I need to relief my stress and my feelings and I don’t know how and I can’t talk to him about things he gets mad easy. I feel so unattractive, anxious, sad, lost, out of control of my life and body & many other things. In scared he’ll go to jail in a few.days when he goes to court. I don’t w an t him to leave.. I can’t handle all of this. Everyday I cry. Everyday he gets mad. Every other day I have anxiety attacks that no one notices, but they feel so scary. Every thing is so scary. I hate eating. I hate waking up. The only thing I enjoy is taking care of my newborn daughter and loving on her and her dad, but I hate his temper. I hate how different he is.. He was so different before and after I was pregnant. He thinks I’m lazy now as he s aid, but it’s so hard to want to get up and going anymore and he and his mom make it worse. She’s basically moved it now for a while and she took over downstairs in mine and and her son’s apartment.. He cooks (he said he likes cooking..And he thinks I don’t know.how just because I haven’t yet in our house other than microwaving..we’ve been there since January 19th and I just had a baby two weeks ago and got 13 stitches in my vagina..) He says I’m.a horrible house wive.. I ha te being called a house wife. I want to be able to go out and do things. I don’t w ant to.be stuck in the house all the time doing all.cooking cleaning taking care of the baby and all of his needs.. I want care too. It should be.both of us doing everything not just one of us. I’m sick a'f to my stomach and I need some thing to make.these.feelings go away…
The poems that make me feel most empowered as a woman are the poems where women fail, fuck up, and reject obligation. I feel empowered when women write about bodies in a way that is not sexual, when women write about sex in a way that is not meant to be consumed. I feel empowered when women are allowed to experience womanhood/personhood without concern as to whether their lives look pretty for other people. When women write about honest experiences, that’s when I feel least alone and most allowed to live honestly myself.
little anxiety
- daddy: "okay baby, i'll text you after my doctor's appointment. i love you."
- me: "i love you too, daddy!"
- *2 hours later*
- me: daddy forgot about me
- me: what if i annoyed him
- me: daddy come back
- me: i'm sorry
- me: wait... i'm being ridiculous
- me: ...or am i..?
- me: oh no
I crave his attention bad…I want him to whisper in my ear & tell me “Daddy loves you so much my little girl..I’ll never leave..You’re safe in my arms baby.” I want him to hold me now. He’s asleep. I feel so insecure. I feel so unattractive. I feel so unlovable. I want his reassurance.. I love him…and I’m always so scared. I’m always a fuck up…
I love daddy’s hands..
does anyone else feel like they’re never enough for the person they love cuz that’s like me everyday



